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I have reminded her couple of times she has a spanking coming up and first time spanking has not disputed or anything which to me is clear she consents to it. I am not looking to beat my wife, leave any bruises or otherwise hurt her. Once that is done, I will give her maybe 20 5 per infraction good spanks, maybe even use my belt lightly but firmly. After this I will make sure I comfort her and remind her how much I love her. I want to make it clear I mean business. Any serious suggestions to take this in the right direction will be greatly appreciated. Guide How to use the search function.
Need Ideas? It's your dynamic. No mention of minors. Do not post PSAs. Policy re PMs. Exiting abuse. Monthly Thread. Our Wiki. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Then you need to communicate your expectations and penalties very clearly. Have a conversation about whether or not a punishment will work for her. Some people are not motivated by punishments.
Some are. Also what a punishment spanking will entail. How long? How hard? What implement s? Do you intend to leave marks? Do you intend to make her cry? All of this discussion will communicate that you "mean business". If she consents to this punishment, then the next step is to set up safe words if you don't already have them. Then you can have fun. Or not have fun, as the punishment dictates.
Thank you all for the responses She has provided explicit consent. We had discussed expectations and consequences before. Is nothing serious The main purpose of this one time and here on is to make a clear difference between fun and ability. We have a safe word and have used it in the past during normal sex.
We have used my hand and my belt in the past. She is not a masochist and I am not looking to hurt her or leave any marks in any way and she is not looking for that either as we had discussed it in the past. Maybe I need to have her bring out the bamboo stick to add to the nervousness. We had discussed time, duration and so on first time spanking the effect that Based on how serious the offense is I will determine how many hits will be issued.
We had done 20 spanks and 10 belt hits in the past and that has been the most. We purchased the bamboo stick shortly after that. I see the point about the warm up, makes sense. I just thought it would be a good way of having her focus on what I am saying while discussing her infractions and the punishment that is to come.
Point taken. Thank u. As for the preparation, I ask her to go take a shower and be ready for inspection. I then ask her in the past, will probably do the same this time to have my belt laid accross the bed and for her to assume the position in the bed for me to inspect her.
I inspect her body, make sure she is well groomed and then move on to the spanks. We had discussed these steps in the past and we both liked it. I like having her get the belt ready so she knows what is going to be hitting her butt. Also the nervousness of the inspection part. Part of her being ready is taking a shower, shaving and putting on perfume. She forgot to put on perfume one time so I had her take a shower and start over for the infraction and added 5 spanks for that.
She wanted to just put on the perfume but I made a point to have her re-do the whole thing to make a point. Thank u for all the comments, please keep them coming. Thank you. If you have a safeword and prior consent and you know this is something she wants, then I think you need to be willing to take a little risk in terms of how harsh you are.
This is difficult territory for first time spanking as a dom too. When I punish my wife, she often literally sobs and screams so loud I worry about the neighbors, I only get really reliable feedback on how bad the punishment was after the scene, and even when she's screamed and whimpered and begged and sobbed until there's tears all over her face, only sometimes does she say that it was more a punishment than a funishment. Sometimes she smiles and says, "that was really fun, I am excited, I think I will have bruises tomorrow!
Your wife can only tell you so much beforehand about how painful she wants this to be, because there's an first time spanking to which she may not know until she experiences it, which means you may not know if it was too harsh or not until afterwards. Figuring out how much is too harsh for your wife is going to involve some trial and error, which is why the safeword is important. Give yourself some permission to make a mistake without being afraid you're going to ruin spankings for her forever. Trust her to understand that you are just figuring stuff out as well, and not to hold it against you forever if you are too mean.
Trust her to safeword if it's really too much. If you are so afraid to make a mistake that you never even give a real go at a punishment spanking, you are never going to feel any better because at a certain point learning requires trying, making a mistake, adjusting, and trying again. As long as you have a framework to try in a way that is safe, give yourself permission to fuck up sometimes. Because you will, even if it isn't here. People are fallible. It's good that you're having the physical manifestation of the punishment emphasize and provide a bookend and catharsis to the main event, being the dialogue.
Having the punishment fit the infraction in some way, often through stating the issue, possibly getting a reason why out of them, restating expectations, laying down the punishment for further infraction, etc. I think you're on a good path here.
One thing I like to do is to make punishment times transition jarringly from normal mode to kink mode, rather than stepping through the curtain in a more elegant fashion. I find that just telling them that it's time and to follow me really gets their fear to skyrocket.
For most of my dynamics I try to use thre of nervousness, fear, pain, and sometimes shame when deing a punishment, because those emotions are pretty powerful and can leave a strong impression. In any case, you've got a good thing going from the sound of it! We feel very connected this way and the spanking usually goes on for about a half hour. It sends me flying into sub space and it's glorious. A punishment spanking, however, is different.
It occurs a as quickly as possible to the infraction definitely in the same day ; b involves me bending over, rather than across his lap ; c a specific of slaps that I am told beforehand and must count. It hurts and is not meant to be fun, but rather to remind me of our dynamic and that rules are meant to be followed.
Before it begins, I sit on the floor with my head in his lap and explain to him what I did wrong and why I'm being punished. Doing that reminds me that there is a reason for the spanking And afterwards, he's very loving and tender and holds me while I cry. And then it's over and we've both let it go and move on.
He never holds my mess ups against me once there has been a punishment. It's a very important part of our dynamic and one that my Dom has down to perfection. And if your wife enjoys spankings at all and is a bit of a masochist she may enjoy some bruises. Maybe light bruises to start out with. Not encouraging you to or not. If you want to avoid making it playful I would rethink the warmups. For discipline to be effective it needs to be ificantly different than play time first time spanking.
Otherwise they look too much alike and you never know the difference. I totally agree. Warm ups undermine the effectiveness of a punishment. It should be swift, firm, and it is not meant to feel good. Did you and your wife discuss a punishment dynamic before she committed these infractions? If you're going to enter into a punishment dynamic, I think you really need to discuss and agree on punishments and punishable offenses before you start administering offenses. That way the expectations are clear and explicit. Posted by 8 months ago. Sort by: best. Monthly Thread Our Wiki.
Thank you This is not how consent works. All of this discussion will communicate that you "mean business" If she consents to this punishment, then the next step is to set up safe words if you don't already have them. Does your wife have a safeword? A diverse group of warm friendly, knowledgeable, kinky people. If you're looking for graphic content, or overtly sexual material, we're not the place for you. Have an issue in your kinky relationship? Want to know more first time spanking a specific technique?
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